http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__hIOytHWZw

Best Day Ever-Mac Miller 

“No matter where life takes me find me with a smile”

The majority of my poems are written toward finding yourself,working through your grief, and remembering those you have lost. While writing this poem, I had a few of my friends in mind. Strength really is an admirable quality and often overlooked. Shelby, Arielle, Kristina, Shapiro, Mike, Dani, Sam, Daphne,and Hannah, this one’s for you.   

People have wisdom and people have wit 
They say success comes to those who don’t quit 
Back in school you’re taught many many things 
But never are you taught about the unexpected life brings 

You’re given lessons in math, sci-ence and history 
But the lesson of life remains a mystery 
You learn to add and you learn to subtract 
Forced to practice continually so these skills remain intact 

You learn to master the act of memorization and regurgitation 
Taught to write a paper using the correct citation 
You’re taught the geography of a country you have no desire to see 
You’re told to pick a specific subject and work toward a degree 


But what happens when life decides to take its course? 
Looks you dead in the eye with extreme force? 
What happens when you receive news that makes your world crash down? 
You want to go back in time, but you can’t turn around. 

Confused, lost, your vision unclear 
Went from living in paradise to living in fear 
Instinctively you turn to the knowledge you have gained 
But the knowledge of coping with life’s unexpectencies remains unexplained 

In geography class you’re taught the formation of the land and of the sea 
But never that life can change on the count of one two three? 
And for every class, the teacher follows the structure of a book 
and if ever you forget the answer, you can take another look 

There’s no book on life and the casualties it brings 
Because In school you’re not taught about any one of those things 
Those faced with a reality to complex to wrap around their mind 
Those are the ones who have to search to find 

Find the answers to something they must learn on their own 
A subject that for years has remained unknown
They’ve got to find acceptance within themselves and the situation 
Find a sense of calmness in their state of frustration 

They have to move on from the fact that they were never taught 
about the unspoken tragedies that their life brought
They have to find hope in a state of despair 
Accept that life isn’t always fair 

In finding these things, they will gain a deeper appreciation for life as a whole 
Learning to let go of things out of their control 
Because they are aware of the unexpected life brings 
You won’t ever find them dwelling on the small things 

When reality sets in knowing algebra won’t get you an “A”
Knowing the state capitals won’t make things okay 
You could memorize the dictionary, win every spelling bee 
graduate college with twenty two degrees 
Now are these great accomplishments? there’s no doubt in my mind 
But my heart goes out to those who have insight beyond what was assigned 

I admire the strength of these people, their will to continue on 
The hope they maintain, even when all hope feels gone 
I admire their courage, the braveness they portray 
Always looking forward to a brighter and better day 

The people who aren’t given a place to begin
Those are the ones who have to reach deep from within 
They were never given that book on life, they will never need it, 
because It is those lessons learned through tough experience, that one does not forget

There are some things in life where the thought of being “over it” is too much to handle, where the thought of being “over it” seems unrealistic, even impossible. Unfortunately throughout our lives many of us will face situations like these. Situations where we find ourselves channeling all of our energy toward getting over something that we may never actually “get over”. We do this because we don’t want to have to live with whatever it is that has happened. We want it to go away so we don’t have to deal with it, so it doesn’t follow us around everywhere we go. But maybe that’s the problem. Maybe people spend too much time trying to “get over” something that’s meant to stay with them forever. Something that is meant to remind them of how far they have come. Something that serves as proof you must push through when times are rough. Maybe we aren’t meant to “get over” some things. Maybe we are meant to learn to live with the circumstances that we are dealt. True closure does not come from ignoring a problem, but rather from making changes to live with it. One’s energy must not be channeled toward “getting over it”, but rather toward finding acceptance. Acceptance of the things you cannot change. That to me is true strength

Be Still- The Fray 

“If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I’m with you
Be still and know I am”

AMAZING LYRICS! check out the rest of the fray’s album called scars and stories, a lot of great songs. 

Searching for happiness on a high speed chase 

I Came so far from that dark place 

Desperate for answers I still don’t know 

Held on so tight, and finally let go 

Lost who I was along the way 

Convinced that things would never be okay  

Built myself up, broke myself down

Kept on hearing things would turn around 

Forget how to smile, the tears never dried 

because when he left a part of me died 

The numbness turned to shock,then reality set in 

Thought it was over, but it had just begin 

Was told to accept what killed me inside 

Tried to escape it all but had no where to hide 

Lost interest in things I loved to do 

Began looking at life with a different view 

Shock, despair, I was so livid 

Dreams, nightmares, all so vivid 

Confused, sad, I was depressed 

Constant pain inside my chest 

Anxiety attacks, never had them before 

Took a deep breath and counted to four 

Said I was fine, they had no clue 

Thought to myself if they only knew  

Thoughts so crazy, couldn’t say them out loud 

It was sunny outside but I stood under a cloud 

Eyes that told a story, without a single word spoken 

Lost, confused, blank, and broken 

Broke down out of nowhere, tried to keep my composure 

All while still on the search for happiness and closure 

Problems that once felt so big, were now so small 

Some of them no longer a problem at all 

Death used to be so distant, young people just don’t die 

But on December twenty second, I faced it eye to eye 

They say you’re grandparents die because they are old 

But why people go so young? sadly we are neve told 

Growing up we were given an explanation for everything 

But i’ve learned there are no answers to the unexpected life can bring

Questions with no answers, such a difficult thing to swallow 

But happiness is found at the end of the unpredictable path that you must follow 

It hurt so bad to let go, but even more to hold on

It tore me apart to accept he was gone 

But in letting go I felt so free 

I was looking for happiness and now I had the key 

Happiness, laughter, no longer distant 

Smiles, acceptance, finally existent 

Out of nowhere your life can rearrange 

And from that moment you’re forever changed

It’s been 2 years and i’m okay 

Wake up grateful for each and every day 

Still have those days where i wipe the tears from my eyes 

Reminding myself, a life doesn’t end all because someone dies 

Memories remain, all so bittersweet 

What left a hole in my heart now makes me complete 

Because in the end you won’t look back at how miserable you were 

All those nights you cried yourself to sleep, they will all begin to blur

Instead you’ll look at how far you came 

And forever find meaning in your best friends name 

They say what tears you apart is what makes you strong 

That the most difficult of journeys are the ones that are long 

That the  open wound that cut so deep 

That the first jump forward that felt so steep 

All of those things that you had to survive 

Those same things are what make a person feel alive 

Without pain we wouldn’t know the impact someone can leave 

Without having to overcome tragedy we wouldn’t know what it means to believe 

And if all of these things were absentee 

At the end of this journey I would had never found me 

When something happens…someone gets in the hospital, someone passes away, someone gets diagnosed with cancer,loses their job, goes bankrupt, initially everyone is there for that person going through the tragedy. However, as time goes by we tend to forget about those going through things. Our lives move on, but they are still suffering, they’re still in pain, they are still dealing with whatever it is they are going through.

Today ask yourself this, who do I know who is going through something? Then ask yourself if you’ve taken a second out of your day to think of that person, pray for them, their family, or let them know you haven’t forgotten. 

A few months ago one of my closest friends brothers got in a coma. Because it didn’t JUST happen people stopped talking about it, maybe stopped calling, etc. But what people don’t understand is all because time passes, doesn’t necessarily mean the pain has eased or the circumstances have changed.

Everyone take a second to pray for my friends brother Dylan. 

Miracles do happen, never give up hope. 

It’s crazy how in one second everything can change 

Immediately your life begins to reaarange 

Faced with a reality that doesn’t seem real 

Uncontrollable pain with the inability to feel 

Feeling lost in such familiar surrondings 

You are alive but feel like you are drowning 

Struggling to comprehend the circumstances you face 

Trying to move forward but stuck running in place 

2 years later and i still remember that day 

Bargaining with god even though I never pray 

Our hearts broke, our world crashed down 

2 years later and it’s all turned around 

Live a life with no regrets, take chances,and forgive

You’ve heard it all before, but did you ever start to live? 

Are you sweating the small things, getting upset for no reason? 

Appreciating what you have, and not just during the holiday season? 

Are you working with what you’ve got or are focused on what you lack? 

Are you taking chances or are you holding back?

Are you living each day as if it were your last? 

Are you living in the moment, or are you clinging to your past? 

Have you swallowed your pride, and said sorry to those people you have hurt? 

Realized to move forward, you’re going to first have to fall into the dirt? 

Have you given someone a compliment to brighten their day? 

Have you told that one person all that you ever wanted to say? 

Are you excelling in school or work to the best of your ability? 

Are you exercising daily being grateful of your mobility? 

Are you looking on the positive side of things when life is looking gray? 

Are you holding off until tomorrow what you could do today?

Are you allowing someone to tell you what you can and cannot do? 

Are you living for someone else or are you living for you? 

Are you fulfilling your dreams? What is it you desire? 

Are you letting the small things go, or are you fueling the fire? 

Did you know hope is not lost all because circmstances are tough?  

That you must always keep your head up even when things get rough 

Did you know that miracles happen, all you have to do is believe 

That there is not a single thing that you cannot achieve? 

Did you know that an order for a person to grow? 

They must learn to let the little things go? 

Laughter is the best medicine, you know that’s what they say? 

Well then go out and smile, appreciate each day!

They say it takes something bad to truly open one’s eyes

To the essence and beauty of being alive

But despite what they say I have to disagree 

Doesn’t have to be that way for you all because it was that way for me 

You see I waited for a reason, one that cut me deep as a knife 

To finally start living a carefree life 

I waited for a reason that confirmed 

No day in the past will ever be returned 

You can’t go back in time to rewrite your script, after all this is no play 

The past is in the past and it’s in the past to stay 

So live a life in which you’ll never look back because you’re too busy looking ahead 

Never worrying about what you wanted to say because it has already been said 

And to everyone whose ever lost someone that they love 

Don’t let each year anniversary remind you to look above 

Don’t let one day a year be a reminder to take chances, and forgive 

Instead each day ask yourself “Have I began to live?”  

Well it’s that time of year again, tomorrow is the 22nd of December, which means it will be 2 years since Z passed away. Each day things got easier, and I suspect this year will be a lot easier than the last. Last year, no one could believe it had been a full year since Z died, and this year while I can’t believe it’s been two, I really can’t believe how I’ve let this one day serve as the only reminder to me about how lucky I am to be here, alive, healthy, and with my family over the holidays. Tomorrow shouldn’t have to be what reminds me to be grateful and appreciate each day. The path I took to get me where I am today should be a reminder of this.

The days we spent crying, the days we spent reminiscing, the days we spent laughing about the memories we shared with Z, those days should be the reminders to live each day as if it were our last. With that said, I decided to write something for Z. Not something revolving around the fact that it’s been two years, or about how much we miss him. We know it’s been two years, and it’s obvious how much we miss Z. I decided to write this poem about something that isn’t so obvious. I haven’t lived my life as carefree as I should be living it, and I know i’m not the only one. Why should one day a year remind me of this? It shouldn’t. 

You know what should be a reminder for us to live? Each and every day.  The path we took to get to where we are today. The path we took to be able to smile and say “I’m happy I got a chance to know Zander”. The path we took to be able to say to ourselves, “It broke me apart and I put the pieces back together and i’m so proud of myself to of worked through the pain and accomplish that”. The path we took to be able to gain a new perspective on life. Waking up and being happy. Learning to accept the circumstances we have been dealt. The journey to accomplish these things, that is what should remind us to live our lives carefree, with no regrets. 

• Anyways, holidays in general can be a rough time for many. It’s a time where family and friends get together and hang out. Not having the person you lost with you is rough and I won’t sugar coat the topic, it fucking sucks. All i can say is keep taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to move forward. Get how you’re feeling out on paper. Work out, get a massage relieve stress, and remember that every day you’re getting stronger. If you find that you are doubting yourself and your strength, STOP. Take a deep breath and remind yourself you’re allowed to be upset and that all because you’re crying, all because you have a breakdown, doesn’t mean your weak. Remind yourself that having these breakdowns, being upset, and bursting out in tears, it’s necessary to move forward. In dealing with these emotions you are addressing what has happened, and in addressing the topic you are learning to accept the circumstances you have been dealt. Head up, stay positive, and happy/safe holidays to every single one of you (: 

while it’s true no one has the words to make the pain go away, just know with time things will get better. This isn’t something that happens over night. Not something that happens in weeks, not even months, so be patient with yourself. Everyone grieves in their own way, and understand you are dealing with your loss at your own pace, and whatever pace that may be is fine. While you’ll never “get over” your loss, it will become a part of your life, and the pain…something you can maintain. While Seamus may not be here physically, his memory will be kept alive through through his friends, family, and anyone who got a chance to meet him. Stay strong, and don’t ever doubt yourself or your strength. Take things slow, day by day, dealing with your emotions as they come. As i said before, and cannot stress enough, everyone grieves differently, so all because your town may seem like they have been dealing with it really well, doesn’t mean you’re weak for breaking down. There’s a very good chance they’re still numb. It’s still very early in the grieving “process”. Maybe there way of dealing with it is to not show emotions when anyone’s around. Maybe there way of dealing with it is to cry when they are by themselves. Whatever way someone deals with it is fine, as long as they are dealing with it. What I mean by this is, the worst thing someone can do is keep there emotions bottled up inside of them. While the idea of it sounds good at first; keeping your emotions bottled up, is only a time bomb waiting to explode. Even if you don’t want to talk to someone about it, even getting your feelings out on paper is a healthy way of dealing with things.

Seamus is a close friend, he made an impact on your life. It’s not out of the ordinary that you’re breaking down. Anytime you break down, you’re getting stronger. You’re learing to deal with the circumstances you’ve been dealt. I know it hurts, and I won’t lie to you, it will hurt, for a while. But things WILL get better. The most important thing is to stay positive. As you grieve, you are working toward acceptance. Don’t force this upon yourself, it will come naturally. Any emotions you feel, anytime you cry, anytime you get angry, it’s all a step closer to acceptance.

What you need to worry about is focusing on you. Take care of yourself, work out, talk to someone about how you feel. And don’t ever feel stupid about how you are feeling. Don’t think about tomorrow, don’t think about a week from now, don’t think about the future. Think about now. Take it day by day. Hold on to your memories with Seamus, and know they can never be erased. 

Check out my post called “How to Cope”. While everyone’s situation is different, It seems to be the one people relates to most. 

Keep your head up (: 

Before I experienced my loss I never had anxiety. I shouldn’t say never, because everyone has anxiety at one point or another. What I mean is I never had enough anxiety to notice it,never had enough anxiety to where I was conscious of it, to where it interfered with my life. But then I started having anxiety attacks,some of which I had no idea what triggered them. I wouldn’t be able to breathe and my heart was beating so fast I was convinced I was going to have a heart attack. Anxiety started getting in the way of my life, my daily routine. I couldn’t go a full day without having my heart racing at what felt like 1000 beats per minute. And then I said to myself, I’m not going to let my anxiety control me, i’m going to control my anxiety. At first I thought this sounded stupid. It made me think of something an annoying therapist would say. (I’m not putting down therapists at all, they’re the shit, but there’s always those obnoxious one’s who you can’t take seriously because they talk to you like you’re five.) But then I thought about it and I realized whether it sounded stupid or not was irrelevant because the fact of the matter was that this was the reality. You can’t control that you have anxiety BUT you can control the anxiety you have. And that’s when I said to myself “I’m not going to let my anxiety control me, i’m going to control my anxiety.” 

Anxiety is common after experiencing a loss and can occur weeks,months, and even years after. I’ve done my fair share of research about the whole thing, reading website after website about ways to control your anxiety,etc. Some of the websites I read about anxiety gave me even more anxiety. They told me anxiety could lead to bigger health problems, that it wasn’t healthy, lalala. As if that’s what I want to read as I’m trying to control my speeding heart rate. Don’t start researching ways to control your anxiety as you’re having an anxiety attack. Look up techniques before, practice breathing, and then put these practices to work when you have one. 

When you’re having an anxiety attack you’re not thinking rationally. Sometime you’re not thinking at all. The only thing you’re focusing on is how fast your heart is breathing. It’s hard to remember all the techniques and tricks people gave you to control your anxiety. So if there’s one thing you need to remember it’s to BREATHE. Sounds simple, but breathing is the most important thing to do when you’re having an anxiety attack. In through your nose, out through your mouth. 

Another thing, anxiety attacks are NOT DANGEROUS. Anxiety attacks are mental. And i’m not saying since they’re mental you shouldn’t have them because they’re “all in your head”. I know they’re mental, yet I still have them. However, when I do have them, I remind myself that it’s mental. That I can control my heart rate. That all I need to do is BREATHE. 

So how can you lessen your anxiety in general, on a day to day basis? Well for one thing you can WORK OUT. I recently started running again, and within three days already noticed a difference in my anxiety and mood. I wasn’t as anxious and I was feeling healthy and more energized. If you don’t like running do something else. The elliptical, the stationary bike, just a 30 minute workout to clear your mind, release endorphins and listen to your favorite music. If you don’t like any of those options, play basketball, play raquetball, jumprope. No one is too busy to take 30 minutes out of their day to workout. So find the time to do it, because it really does help. 

As much as I LOVE caffeine, it really heightens my anxiety. A lot of people need caffeine to start there day, and that’s fine. I’m not saying to cut off caffeine completely. But if you’re used to drinking 4 cups of coffee a day cut yourself down to 3. If you’re used to drinking 5 cups of coffee a day cut yourself down to 4, etc. One cup of coffee won’t make or break your energy level, but it will lessen your anxiety. Maybe not by a whole lot, maybe just a little bit, but a little bit’s better than nothing, right? 

One night I had a horrible anxiety attack. It went on for what felt like FOREVER. A friend of mine I was with asked me what I was anxious about. In the middle of an anxiety attack, I had never thought to ask myself “why am i anxious?” Initially I told him I didn’t know, but deep down I knew I did. Yeah, maybe not entirely, but i had an idea from where the anxiety was coming from. Again, he asked me, “why are you anxious,you need to say it out loud to overcome it”. It sounded too simple, but I said it anyways. No one had ever directly asked me “why are you anxious” and I never asked myself either. But I found that upon answering this question, my anxiety lessened. If you don’t want to tell something why your anxious, write it down. You’re worried about what it says? When you’re done throw it away. The point is to not keep your anxiety bottled up inside of you. So whether it be talking about it with someone, or writing it down, get how you feel out in the open. 

Now while all of these things individually may not make a HUGE difference, with the combination of them all, I guarantee you will notice a difference in your anxiety. If there’s one thing I want you to remember it’s to BREATHE. 

One of the hardest things to do is stay hopeful in a state of despair. At times it’s hard to stay positive. You don’t think things will ever get better and you want to give up,DON’T. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, sounds cliche huh? But in the end you’ll see it’s true. Just keep pushing through the pain. And let me remind you to take things one day at a time. Don’t think about tomorrow,just think about today. Today you’re going to be positive. Today you’re going to be hopeful. And today you’re not going to give up. 

(Source: buttfactory, via just-embraceit)

Walk like a man-Murs

“It was a year to this day that my best friend died
For weeks I sat alone in my room and cried
And I tried to pretend everything was fine
But my soul couldn’t rest until vengeance was mine”

Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for young people ages 15-24, yet “Give a Second Wind” is the ONLY organization in the nation providing treatment for teens and young adults at risk for suicide. I’m asking that everyone take 5 minutes out of their day and go to this website 
http://aarp.promo.eprize.com/createthegood/ to vote for this organization to win $10,000. They are 1 0f 7 finalists, and every vote counts. Click on the link,follow the prompts to register, and vote for Jon’s story preventing teen suicide. Re-post and spread the word.